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How She Lived

It’s been 6 weeks since our world lost it’s shining light. Without Shyra, the days are dark and the nights are restless. There’s a lonely silence in my heart that aches every time I take a breath. Her absence has left such a void in my life I wonder if I’ll ever recover. Don’t worry, I “know” I will. Because we all know that time (and a lot of therapy) heals all wounds, but right now, it just doesn’t feel like it. And I’m okay with that. One step at a time.

Until last night, the dreams I’ve had of Shyra have been more like nightmares. The trauma of her passing would replay in my dreams, over and over, and I would wake up more disturbed than the day before. I tried every technique under the sun to fall asleep peacefully, but nothing worked. It was awful.

After a beautiful weekend in the mountains with my family and all the discussions we had about our own griefs regarding Shyra’s passing, that’s when it dawned on me. We need to stop focusing on how she died, but on how she LIVED. Shyra’s life was so full, so beautiful, so gracious, and so bubbly. That’s what I want to remember. All the fun times we had together BEFORE she got sick. She lived her life double time, so even though she only had 33 years, it was as if she lived 66+ years because of all she accomplished. She lived well and she lived beautifully. I have changed where I allow my thoughts to go, and focusing on the good times really helps!

This morning I woke up feeling at peace for the first time since Shyra passed, and I know it’s because she actually showed up last night in my dream smiling and laughing. It was beautiful. She was reminding me that she is okay and that I will be okay too. In my dream last night, she was dressed in an elegant gown, with long flowing hair, perfect make-up, and she was dancing around my living room listening to music and singing so beautifully off-key. She had a huge smile on her face and she was truly glowing. She saw me and opened up her arms. I ran over and hugged her so tight. She whispered in my ear, “I found peace. I’m so happy”. When I woke up, I could still feel her arms around me like a warm blanket.

Today, as I meet family and friends at Shyra’s gravesite, and we share lunch together in her memory, I will be reflecting not on how she died, but on how she LIVED.

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