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I Buried My Sister Today

It was like an out of body experience. I know I was there. But it didn’t feel like me. I want to be okay, but I am not. This pain is unlike any other. I feel empty, antsy, and out of place. I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to act in times like this.

I was surprised by how many family members from out of state showed up to Shyra’s burial. My beautiful cousins, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, and even the family bonded not by blood, but by a lifetime of memories and growing up together. You all made today so special and it’s exactly what Shyra would have wanted. I know you heard me say that a few times today. Well, get used to it! 😂

After 14 months of being told we can’t hug our loved ones, or get within 6 feet of another human, or even share the same air as someone from a different household, today was strangely beautiful and much needed. To my family reading this, your hugs today were a warm blanket of comfort to my brokenness, pain, and loss. I know it was awkard after being apart for so long, but so worth it to be able to lay Shyra to rest together.

From the beautiful weather, to the live music, to the words spoken by Shyra’s loved ones, to the white roses, and the release of the doves, today was perfection. The gravesite burial embodied the peace we all have been craving. Grief, yes; Sadness, yes; Unexplainable loss, yes; but peace for Shyra, knowing that her battle with cancer is over and done, that is what today was all about. (see gallery)

Then came the laughter. The family all reminiscing, looking at old pictures, telling stories, and just being together, was medicine for the soul. Life has a way of shattering our expectations, of leaving our hopes in pieces without explanation. But when there‘s love and laughter in a family, the fragments left behind from our shattered dreams can always be pulled together again, even if the end result is a mosaic.

I prefer to err on the side on humor, and only show my inner strength, but deep down inside, I am a puddle of tears. I am at a loss without my little sister. I don’t remember how to put one foot in front of the other (or maybe that’s the wine talking!), and I can’t imagine a life without Shyra. But what I do know, is that our family is here. And over the next few days, as difficult as it will be, at least we have a big beautiful family that knows how to be together in tough times.

Bring on the hugs, dear ones, I know you need the blanket of comfort just as much as I do! We are in this time of grief together, as we all are suffering from the loss of such a beautiful soul.

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